Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
