So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
