she woke up with a sticky ear
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
