You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
either way he was missing a nipple.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize