So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
