The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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