end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
