need another drink. this is the easiest way
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize