I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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