I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
