I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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