What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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