if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
