Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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