Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i barfeds in our rink
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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