capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
