I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
