Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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