I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
