If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
