so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
