Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
