Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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