So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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