I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
