I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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