I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
