Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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