It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize