Say something about gay babies.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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