i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
