I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
