I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
