I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
