so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
