I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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