I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
