Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
