my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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