toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
