If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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