This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
