She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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