hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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