When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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