Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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