So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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