Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
