Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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