I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
