Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
