I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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