so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
