Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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