My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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