I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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