I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
