I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
