bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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