whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
