Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
