The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
