She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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