And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
