I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
