I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
