Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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