I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
