I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize