The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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