One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
