Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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