dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
