was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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