Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
