You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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