Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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