woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
