Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
where are my eyebrows?
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